BİR ŞEY DİYEMEDİM!
Gece daha yeni başlıyordu. O vardı yanımda. Yeni tanımaya başlamıştım aslında onu. Niyeyse ısınmıştım da. Anlattıklarını tüm dikkatimle dinliyordum, daha fazla anlatsın da istiyordum. Hiç susmasa ne kadar güzel olur diye düşündüm. O da keyif alıyordu belli ki. Almalıydı da. Onu böyle güzel dinleyen biri var mıydı ki hayatında, olsa da ne fark eder ki? Olan olmuştu, o çoktan unutulmuştu.
İlk anda etkisinde kaldığımız, sohbetine doyamadığımız, ruhunu sevmeye başladığımız kaç kişi tanıdık? Kaçı girebildi hayatımıza ya da hiç mi olmadı böyle biri? Hep yalnız mıydık?
En son ne zaman şanslı hissettik kendimizi ya da birine çok şanslısın biliyor musun demeyi seçtik? Kabuğumuzu kırmayalı kaç gün oldu? Artık buna son vermenin zamanı geldi de geçiyor. Bakmadan görmeyi, görmeden bakmayı bırakma zamanı.
Kendini açmayı tüm samimiyetiyle anlatmayı seçmişti, bende öyle. Derken laf lafı açtı. Kelimeler birbirini kovaladı. Zaman aktı gitti. Uzun zaman olmuştu böyle hissetmeyeli. Sebep ve sonuç aramıyordum, oydu aradığım, bulmuştum da onu. O beni fark edebilecek miydi ya da çoktan fark etmişti ben mi anlayamamıştım? Sustu. Anlamak sözle, kelimelerle olmaz, sadece hissedersin dedi, aynen benim hissettiğim gibi. Bir şey diyemedim.
Vay beee….
Ruha dokunan sözler. Emeğine sağlık.
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